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The Strange Case of Biker Dave It seemed that soon after Dave began serious cycling he began to constantly upgrade his equipment, looking for that lighter part or improved performance. He went through a series of frames starting with a relatively inexpensive Chrome Moly. This was soon replaced by a lighter steel frame. Next came an aluminum frame followed quickly by carbon fiber and then titanium. It was the same with components! A steady progression of component up-grades from cranks and derailleurs to seats and tires were installed. Titanium spoke nipples, carbon fiber forks, beryllium seat rails, aero wheels, titanium skewers, Dave tried them all as he was becoming more and more obsessed with high tech, light weight equipment. You might say he had become obsessive compulsive. You be the judge, I'm not a psychiatrist. It got stranger and stranger! It wasn't just the bike, it was his clothing and himself. He put himself on a strict diet and began to loose weight. No extra ounce of fat or clothing could be tolerated. After a time his friends, the few that were left, had difficulty recognizing him. I mean he had gotten skinny! Instead of air in his tires he pumped them up with helium. He sealed his bike frame completely and filled it with helium. That still wasn't good enough so he pumped a complete vacuum in the sealed frame. Same with the handle bars! Nothing is lighter than nothing! Dave's riding improved also, especially his hill climbing. It got so no one wanted to ride with him. They could stay with him on down hills but he would invariably drop them on climbs and disappear ahead. In fact, it appeared that Dave increasingly had to work going down hill and seemed to expend little effort going up. It began to look like he was almost floating uphill! Dave's personality deteriorated in direct proportion to his obsession. He only wanted to talk components or frames or the latest technology. He wasn't fun to be around anymore! He wouldn't laugh at the latest OJ or Clinton joke or anything. Besides, who wants to always get dropped on the hills. Consequently, Dave rode more and more alone. In fact, I understand he began to violate that old bicycling maxim to never ride naked alone! In his zeal for the ultimate in performance he rode sans clothes. He was observed from time to time by motorists, who were startled by this strange naked apparition. He seemed to always be riding the steepest hills. It also seemed he was always struggling on the down hills but never on the long tough climbs. As he continued to shave off a percentage of weight here and another percent there,
ultimately he exceeded 100%. It was like the guy I knew who kept installing fuel saving
devices on his car. Over time he added special sparks plugs guaranteed to save 15%, an
ignition coil claimed to save 10%, special oil for 10%, and on and on. Eventually he made
so many improvements he had to stop and pump gas out of his tank about once a week to keep
it from overflowing! This factor was what did Dave in. He must not have realized this on
his final ride. Again he was alone and naked. Apparently everything was fine as he started
up the General Crook Hill. However, as best we can determine, when he turned around
at the top he couldn't get back down the hill. He tried! He probably exhausted himself up
there struggling to ride back down. In his weakened, emaciated state he couldn't have
lasted long. He died up there, a victim of techno weenieism. He was discovered several
days later by a passing motorist. He was laid to rest along one of his favorite routes,
Hwy. 89, north of Chino Valley. |